If i can put a name for today,it will be a sad day

 pagi ni kena g kerja awal.

kalau perasan,bunga dh makin banyak..

i was taking this photo rushingly..so gegar..tp pointnya nak tunjuk....

spring is coming.

makanan pon dh senang basi.

this weekend is last lightscape show..insya Allah aku akn pergi.

bestnya!!! Alhamdulillah.

******

432pm

aku tak reti tulis sangat..tapi ini apa yg aku rasa..as expected,bila bgtau org..rasa tak didengari and rasa tak dihargai.tp takpe..i left it as tazkirah utk semua org supaya hargai apa kita ada.

hari ni..ada dua benda jadi..yg buat aku rasa..pentingnya,ada satu tempat yg ko panggil safe space..regardless ada response ke tak..and i think..i found one..selama duduk Aussie..lebih banyak aku belajar pasal hidup .happy,nak marah,sunyi..dan akhirnya,aku tahu takda org boleh buat aku sane melainkan diri sendiri.semua perasaan ni pernah rasa back in 2022..tp kali ni lebih mature.aku tak overeact and little people know.not even my mother.good job,Aqilah..sebab ni,aku selalu bangga dgn diri aku..ok,jom citer.

1st incident.

Hari ni Ian's bell ring.completed chemo,achieved remission.we call him a survivor.

Next to me,a mother whose her child is just diagnosed  inherited genetic cancer.she is the only parent who came for Ian's bell ring.

She was worried sebab her another daughter underwent a screening MRI this morning.she was crying the whole time during the bell ring but I believe she was happy for Ian's too..

Ian's family are so nice and all people came.ive never seen biggest bell ring  crowd until today,researcher,starlight,other parent came to cheer Ian and family.

Conclusion: sincerely happy for someone is not easy.when you look another people having thing that you really want and you want to cheer them up..not easy and it take a lot of effort untuk pujuk diri sendiri.

sedih..sedih sgt .tp aku jenis tk senang nangis...

2nd incident:

mortality meeting.when patient died of mucormycosis/aspergillosis infection,their end life could be a bit bloody.it could be a trauma too.hearing nurses' effort holding  patient's nose and mouth when doing the last care for patient,in front of family members,were a really noble thing to do at that particular time.taknak bg family trauma tgk.

my mind went back to my jr MO time in 2015..i literally hold a kidney dish  while patient coughing out blood..aku pon tak tahu nak buat apa masa tu..ingat balik..kelakar pon ada..

sedih..patient passed away,her father texted me and told me where she was buried.aku pernah pergi sekali..tp tmpt tu sgt sunyi..so tak turun kereta sbb takda kawan nak pergi..

i still has her mortality report with me.

tak tahu mcm mana nak tulis supaya rasa dekat,aku selalu rasa aku gagal conclude ayat last mcm gagal conclude perasaan.hahah.

okla..panjang kita taip..jom,nak balik.aku nak jd org yg lebih happy,tenang,pandai uruskan emosi sendiri.taknak org panggil sebab tak settle down,sebab tu garang..haha.